Identifiers

I, being the intelligent and organized person that I am, decided that it would be a good idea to start reading three books at one time.  Not an absolutely horrible idea, but in hindsight I think I should've stuck to one at a time.  Anywho, I finished one of the books and now I'm back to reading Think Differently Live Differently by Bob Hamp.  I talked about this book a couple posts ago.  

Basically, I love it.  I forgot how much I loved it until I picked it up again about a half hour ago.  I had it bookmarked in the middle of a chapter so I just picked up where I had left off.  That chapter was dealing some with laying hold of new things and letting go of old things:  an idea I needed to sit and chew on for a good minute.  I know we're all creatures of habit, but I tend to think that I'm more of a habitual creature than most.  Especially when it comes to bad habits.  My bad habits are on a mile-long list.  They range from obvious, physical habits to minute "thought" habits.  I won't even get into that list because I have a feeling I could type about that for a couple hours and then wallow around in how disgusted I felt with myself.  So, let's just skip the list and move on, shall we?

As I sat and thought about all the of things that I tend to do/think that don't match up with the character that is pleasing to God, I realized that in listing all of these things I really felt as though I was describing myself perfectly.  In 100% negative words.  I am capable of identifying with a long list of bad behavior and bad thoughts.  This scared me.  While, yes, that list was a true (albeit unflattering) look at my transgressions, it shouldn't be how I see myself.  When I spend my time thinking about my faults and mistakes and defining myself by them, how likely is it that I'll get up after that and go live a life with a heart for God?  It's not likely at all.  What will happen is this: I'll do what I mentioned above- wallow around in how disgusted I feel with myself.  Oh, how easy it is for the enemy to use this as weapon #1 against me.  He knows that if he can get me to speak negatively against myself and my identity internally or verbally, he can sit back and watch while I drudgingly go through the motions of my day with negative, depressing thoughts running through my mind.

Unfortunately for him, God had other plans for me tonight.  In the middle of my depression parade God nudged at my spirit.  With that gentle nudge I remembered, 'I'm a beloved child of the King of Kings! I'm an irreplaceable daughter of the Most High! I am a completely unique, wonderfully made creation of the Creator. I am redeemed! The old has gone and the new has come!'

In this book the author says that freedom is when you can act and react in life as the person you were created and have been restored to be.  How can I act as the person I was created to be if the identifiers I use for myself are all dealing with my "old self"?  I can't.  End of discussion.  So the next time I find myself wallowing in my "list" I'm going to call a spade a spade and call the devil out for trying to set another trap for me. And I will sit and rejoice over my new list of identifiers:

dearly loved.

blessed.

redeemed.

joyful.

daughter of the King.

unique.

prized.

lovingly created.

called.

gifted.

bought by the highest price.

And I will take a good, long look at my Redeemer and who He is.  

Lost are saved; find their way; at the sound of your great name 
All condemned; feel no shame, at the sound of your great name 
Every fear; has no place; at the sound of your great name 
The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of your great name 

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man 
You are high and lifted up; that all the world will praise your great name 

All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of your great name 
Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of your great name 
The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of your great name 
Sick are healed; and the dead are raised; at the sound of your great name 

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man 
You are high and lifted up; that all the world will praise your great name 

Redeemer, My Healer, Lord Almighty 
Our savior, Defender, You are My King 

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man 
You are high and lifted up; that all the world will praise your great name

Let's Be Honest

Hey self.  Other than tonight and at church, when was the last time that you spent some time in the Word?

....well...According to my journal, it was the ninth...so...exactly one week ago.

Ouch.  I've found myself in this cycle since classes started back up for the semester of "doing really well" for about a day or two and then completely falling off of the proverbial wagon for a couple days after that.  Soon after, I go to church during the week and/or on the weekend and get my dose of Jesus, feeling encouraged and wiser.  Then I have my quiet time the next day.  And maybe the day after that.  And then nothing.  Until I go to church again.

Now, I'm not trying to go down the whole legalistic pathway here of "you need to read your bible every day or you're not a real Christian!"  I'm just being honest with myself.  The days that I don't spend any time in the Word, my prayer life usually suffers.  When my prayer life suffers, my everything suffers.  And I literally mean my everything.  When I'm not spending my day talking with God and setting aside some time daily to ask to hear from Him, my life gets drained of its purpose.  I feel this distinct combination of unpleasant feelings {if that's not an estrogen-charged sentence, what is? Okay, back to being serious}. And it's not guilt or shame.  It's the absence of something important.  It's the feeling of being drained when I haven't even exerted any great physical or mental energy.  Any resolve or drive to spend time on my God-given passions slowly dwindles.  And let's not even get into what happens to my drive to do things that I need to do {but don't want to do}.

So...let's be honest for a minute or two.  I have an obsessive personality.  It's far too easy for me to spend hours upon hours doing just one or two things.  It can be spent doing things that are unproductive, but not harmful in small doses: YouTubing random music, watching movies or TV, Facebooking {can we say HUGE time-suck??}, or reading for leisure.  It can be spent doing productive things: practicing piano or voice for school, working out, reading my bible, journaling, etc...Or it can be wasted doing things that have been very detrimental to me throughout my life: overeating and entertaining thoughts that are full of worry, lust, fear, or frustration.

Here's what I've come to realize.  To spend all of my time doing one thing, even if it is a good thing, is unhealthy for me.  Balance is vital in my walk with Christ.  I can't just sit at home and obsess over reading my bible.  Do I need the wisdom and life it provides? Yes.  But my personality tends to take everything I do for more than twenty minutes to some weird obsession-driven level.  This makes it too easy for me to just read the bible for a couple hours but not really learn from it.  I can't just let the text run through my mind.  I've got to meditate on it.  I've got to walk out into the world and live it out!  "But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves." James 1:22

When I stop and think about all of my weaknesses it's easy for me to feel discouraged.  But when I stop and think, really think, about my God, I am encouraged.  "The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you." Romans 8:11

So, honestly, right now, I feel completely powerless over myself. But, I will turn to my powerful, merciful God. Especially when I feel this way.

"...We are His portion

And He is our prize

Drawn to redemption

By the grace in His eyes

If grace is an ocean

We're all sinking

And heaven meets earth

Like an unforeseen kiss

And my heart turns violently

Inside of my chest

I don't have time to maintain these regrets

When I think about the way

He loves us

Oh, how he loves us..."

Overwhelmed

Have you ever been in a time of prayer, worship, or of reading the Word and become suddenly and completely overwhelmed by the greatness of God to the point where all you can do is just be still and cry tears of joy?  I hope so.  That's happened to me a lot lately.  And it's by far the best thing I have ever experienced.

As I have been reading through the bible, there have been several passages of scripture that pull my mind to a screeching halt for so many different, wonderful reasons.  They echo the deepest feelings of my heart.  They equip me when I am in desperate need of wisdom.  They assure me in ancient ink of what I sense in my spirit.  They inevitably bring me to tears.  The good kind.  The God kind.

And then there's singing.  If you know me at all, you know that singing has always been my absolute favorite thing to do: my passion in life.  Music is such a mysterious and beautiful thing.  But even the best, most expressive music falls short of moving me the way that music used to worship God does.  As someone who is majoring in/obsessed with music, you would think I would pick a beautiful symphony over a simple worship song.  Honestly, even I would think that..but that's just not the case.  Even if it's just listening to a worship CD while I'm driving.  I feel God's presence so much in moments like that.  It makes me realize how ever-present He is.  His Spirit moves me to tears when I'm singing to Him.  Even while I'm doing something as mundane as driving to the grocery store.  I lift up a song to Him to express my love and devotion and in return He covers me completely with His love to the point that I feel it in every fiber of my being.  He places divinity into my life.  He trades me His extravagance for my simplicity.

I don't know how to expand on this without run-on sentences and word vomit.  So, since I'm averse to both of those things, I'm going to leave you with this scripture.  I have been praying it over myself for the past couple days.  It's one of those that I can read and say over and over.

{Ephesians 3:17-19} "Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.  Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."

And, of course, a song! (The lyrics are too good to NOT post them on here, so here they are)

You are good, You are good, when there's nothing good in me.

You are love, You are love, on display for all to see.

You are light, You are light, when the darkness closes in.

You are hope, You are hope, You have covered all my sin.



You are peace, You are peace, when my fear is crippling.

You are true, You are true, even in my wandering.

You are joy, You are joy, You're the reason that I sing.

You are life, You are life, in You death has lost its sting.




Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms.


The riches of Your love, will always be enough.

Nothing compares to Your embrace.

Light of the world, forever reign.



You are more, You are more, than my words will ever say.

You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim.

You are here, You are here, in Your presence I'm made whole.

You are God, You are God, of all else I'm letting go.



Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms.


The riches of Your love, will always be enough.

Nothing compares to Your embrace.

Light of the world, forever reign.



My heart will sing

No other name

Jesus, Jesus.



My heart will sing

No other name

Jesus, Jesus.



Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms.


The riches of Your love, will always be enough.

Nothing compares to Your embrace.

Light of the world, forever reign.

Think Differently, Live Differently

I'm currently reading a book entitled Think Differently Live Differently by Bob Hamp.  I purchased it this past weekend when I went back to Denton for the weekend and attended Gateway (in Southlake) on Sunday.  Have I mentioned how much I love that church?  If you ever have the chance to go, do it. You won't regret it.  My friend and I went to a Sunday school-esque class before the worship service and it was so good.  Between every moment of feeling overwhelmed by the truth of what was being taught I would think to myself, 'everybody needs to hear this! right now!'

This book touches on some of the things that were taught that morning, so of course I'm going to put some excerpts from it in this post.

The whole message of this book is freedom.  One of the comments on the first page "In this book you will find the simple yet deep truths to the freedom that so often eludes us.  Be ready to be challenged and encouraged to walk in the fullness of who you truly are in God.  Bob Hamp exposes lifelong lies we've all allowed ourselves to believe and helps us to see the truth.  A life changing book!" - Kari Jobe, Dove Award Winning Artist

And another: "Bob Hamp has nailed it.  With riveting analogies, unique humor and incredible biblical insight and understanding, he has brought to light, in an easy to understand way, what most people are fearful of exploring.  This book helped me tremendously and is a must read for anyone seeking release and freedom from the chains of their past, and desiring to move on to better and brighter things in their life." -Mike Brisky, 7 year PGA Tour Veteran

So, the moral of the story so far is: go buy this book! I'm not even half way through with it and it is already having a significant impact on my relationship with Christ.

I literally just started quoting a section of the book (about one of 5 parts I wanted to share on here) and realized, a page and a half later, that I'll end up typing every last word of it in here if I keep going at that rate.  So, how about I just tell you about it? Sound good? I'll take that as a yes.  And I'll go ahead and apologize for not being able to articulate all of this as well as it was articulated Sunday. Bear with me.

What is freedom?
Being able to do whatever we want?
Well, that's what the Merriam Webster online dictionary says- "the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action."


Bob's definition is this: "Freedom is the ability to act and react in life as the man or woman you were created to be."


Freedom is about being who God created you to be. Without all of the filth the world has put in your mind.  It's not about thinking and doing. It's about being.  We can put forth all of our efforts toward "self-improvement" and still fail. In fact, I do that all the time. We are who we are, and trying really hard is only going to get you so far.  In the end you will keep coming back to the root of all of your problems: you.


In the class on Sunday, the man speaking said that we all know what sin is: doing all the bad things we shouldn't do and not doing all the good things we should do, right?  That's not all of it. That is the effect of the cause.  He asked us if any of us spoke Spanish. A few people raised their hands. He went on to ask them what the Spanish word for "without" is.  They answered "sin." (Sounds like seen).  "See, the Spanish got it right!" He said.  "Sin is being without God."  It is our separation from Him that leads to the actions that displease Him.  


Putting all of our efforts into trying to be "good" is simply a way for us to try to make ourselves better.  God doesn't tell us that we should make ourselves better.  He asks us to let Him make us new. 
{2nd Corinthians 5 : 17} "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."


"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature." He is.  We become different when we are with Christ.  We can't make ourselves that way.  It is His Spirit in us that brings about the changes in our lives.
(2nd Corinthians 1 : 21-22} "Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."


I'll sum it up like this.  We need God.  Desperately. We need his grace not only to be forgiven, but to walk with Him daily.  We don't need to try harder.  We can not save ourselves.  No matter how herculean the effort.  I am never more fulfilled than when I cry out to God and acknowledge my need for Him, because he is faithful to answer the cries of his children.

{Psalms 40 : 1-3} "I waited patiently for the Lord, and He turned to me and heard my cry for help.  He brought me up from a desolate pit, out of the muddy clay, and set my feet on a rock, making my steps secure.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."

Fruit

I decided in November that I wanted to read the Bible through in a year. I started out just reading straight through (Genesis - Revelation), but I'll be honest: once I got to Numbers I was seriously ready for some Psalms, Proverbs, and New Testament. Along comes the first of the year and lo and behold, my church in Canton gives out "The Victory Bible Reading Plan." It works like this: You read a Psalm or Proverb daily, a chapter of the gospel daily (you'll end up reading them through twice) , and you also read a chapter from the Old Testament daily (in chronological order).


Well hello there, exactly-what-I-was-looking-for! It's going really well so far. Tonight I read my daily scriptures and also read a devotional from a series that Gateway is doing for the first few weeks of this year.


The title of the devotional tonight was "More Than a Ticket to Heaven" and the verse at the intro is Philippians 1:11. "May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation- the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ- for this will bring much glory and praise to God."


Just the title of the night's devotional and that scripture by themselves moved me enough to write for a few pages in my journal.  This scripture is one I've heard before many times, but God used it to speak to me nonetheless.




How many days of my life have I not walked in fruitfulness?  How many moments have there been in my life where I've chosen my own selfish, fruitless ways over the Lord's?  There is an attitude of self-centeredness all around us every day.  That's not just around non-believers, either.  I've witnessed it from Christians all throughout my life.  "I believe in Jesus, but I'm not going to go around talking about it all the time.  Everyone knows I'm a Christian"..."I know I do some things I shouldn't do, but I'm saved so...God forgives me."  "I love God, but I'm not giving {insert sin here} up."  This turns Christianity into something that is merely about us getting a "ticket into Heaven."  I'm not trying to point fingers at everyone else and sport a holier-than-thou attitude. Trust me.  I've thought all of those things in many different degrees at various points in my life.  I'm guilty of forgetting that I am a part of a divine, beautiful love story.  I'm guilty of treating my faith like a get out of jail free card.




The problem with this attitude is this:  it is not at all what God wants for his children.  It is an absolute perversion of his grace.  Have you ever come across any scripture that supports this awful attitude? No. But how about a few that speak out against it?




{Matthew 3 : 8-10} "Therefore produce fruit consistent with repentance.  And don't presume to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' For I tell you that God is able to raise up children for Abraham from these stones! Even now the ax is ready to strike the root of the trees! Therefore, every tree that doesn't produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire."


{Titus 2 : 11-14} "For the grace of God has appeared with salvation for all people, instructing us to deny godlessness and worldly lusts and to live in a sensible, righteous, and godly way in the present age, while we wait for the blessed hope and appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ. He gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to cleanse for himself a people for His own possession, eager to do good works."


{James 1 : 21-25} "Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. 22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does."




 I love this section of the devotional, because it says it better than I can:


"The amazing thing about salvation is that God wants to save us for His purposes in this life. He saves us from sin and hell, but He also saves us to life and life more abundantly (John 10:10). The Bible speaks of this as laying aside your old self and putting on your new self (Ephesians 4:20–24)."




There is so much more to Christ than we can understand. There is so much more to Him than we deserve.  He is not a distant God.  He is our Creator.  He can give us more than we even think to ask for.  So many times we put God in a box in the back of our minds when He is more than able to cover every nook and cranny of our existence with grace, power, and glory.  Why make Him a small part of our lives when he is the loving, powerful, gracious source of life?

"If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." -C.S. Lewis

Lame First Entry Title

So! Where shall I begin?
I won't bore you with the details of where I am and what I do since, if you're reading this, you probably know them already.

Well, this week marks week numéro trois of my seventh semester of college (not counting summer semesters)...and that just feels...strange.  Moving to Louisiana to start my second semester feels like yesterday, but somehow at the same time feels like an eternity ago.  As I look around me I see several boxes that I've yet to unpack from my recent move, a stack of laundry I need to deal with, my bible and gorgeous red leather journal seated next to me in my bed, and the time on the clock informing me that I should've gone to bed a couple hours ago.  Typical me. Messy and up way too late (note to self: do better tomorrow), but I've been itching to get a few posts under my belt on this thing, so...2:00 a.m., we meet again!

I don't know how to put enough fluff around this statement to make it sound acceptable, so I'll just say it plainly: These past couple of years, my relationship with God has been seriously lacking.  I unabashedly let the whole "live for yourself" mentality completely take over my life.  To the point that a God-fearing friend, out of his growing concern, had to point it out to me. (Which was initially met with resistance and denial on my part.  Astoundingly mature, right?? Ugh)  Simply put: I was so consumed by the appeal of worldly and fleshly fascinations that I dumped my commitment to having an intimate relationship with the Savior of my soul.

Seriously, self?
Seriously?!?  You're going to spend time acting like a typical, self-centered, lost, "go-with-the-flow" college student? Instead of spending some one-on-one time with the One who created you? The One who died for you knowing full well all the times you would fail Him? The One who fulfills every last one of your needs? The One who has a plan and a purpose for your every step on this earth? You're going to ignore His voice when He speaks to you?

Yes. Yes, I did.

BUT!
I started attending Gateway Church in Southlake, TX around September, and God used that place to turn my spiritual life back around.  I can't tell you how many tears I have shed worshiping there.  After spending so much time not acknowledging God in my life, it is amazing that He is still glad to hear from me. It's unbelievable that He deals with me graciously and patiently.  After everything I've done to trample on the salvation He has given me, it is mercifully whole.  Gratitude doesn't even cover it.  His love is so completely humbling and freeing.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good. How happy is the man who takes refuge in Him!"
                                                                                       -Psalm 34:8-